Father's Day 2018

The beauty and colours of nature 

The last two years we have spent Father's day, which we've usually celebrated the weekend after, fishing at Bribie Island fishing and picnicking, as there's a gem show held there on the second weekend of September. This year however, my dad wanted to go somewhere that had the promise of big fish.

Anyone who's ever been on a road trip knows that early starts are common, for the passengers there's hours of available time to catch up on the sleep that was denied by an early start, for the driver, it's caffeinated beverages and snacks as well as rest breaks. These become so vital when you try to fit so  much into the day.

We left around 4.30am as we had packed the car the night before. I was feeling nauseous as I had helped Rick devour a bowl of potato wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli, the night before. Half asleep, nauseous, and always a little anxious, we started our trip, feeling like we were running away from the light of the morning sun, as it was slowly trying to climb over the horizon behind us.

The dust storm made for
 an eerie mornings drive

Our first stop was only an hour from home at Aratula to grab our first drink of coffee for Ricky to ensure that he was comfortable with staying awake, and I bought myself a sports drink as I know I was needing some electrolytes to back me up and stop the queasiness that I was suffering. Over the range, the sun continued to chase us, my stomach felt more settled, Ricky, unconvincingly awake, continued to our breakfast spot at Warwick, in the park near Bunnings. It was cold! When we had left home it was warm enough not to need pants, in the park, it was a different story!

Breakfast was done and packed away, we made our way to Inglewood where there was a Father's Day market with a car show. Our quick toilet pit stop at our usual park turned out to be a market stop with cars, sausage sizzle, market stalls and a well mannered and friendly pigging dog named Ziggy. She was a beautiful mixed breed, Great Dane and Dalmatian. I think I spent more time with her than actually interacting with everyone else.

The main point of the road trip was to go fishing. So Jay had picked a new road, less travelled, closer to the river, to follow to Gundy.

This is what the bust poets were writing about. 

The first spot was beautiful, it was exactly what I imagined the Aussie Bush Poets were describing in their tales of the outback. It felt like an oasis in the desert. There had been a fresh release from the dam and the fish were biting in that area. I wasn't fishing, but I was enjoying taking photos. There was so much I wanted to capture but felt limited by my skills and equipment, holy hell it was beautiful though. I made a mental note to go back there.

The second spot was very different. The water was a lot deeper, deep enough to be joking around about crocodiles or sharks, yes I know, neither have any chance of being in the rivers there. My Dad made a joke about the pot holes in the embankment being dinosaur poo! I said nope, that's clay, it's just softer that's why they've worn away. To me it looked like a stampede had been through there.

Lees Reserves. 

The water worn divots created little wells for the water borne creatures and plant life to thrive in. It's amazing how much life is out there by the water. There's a drought effecting a lot of the people outback, farmers harshly effected having to shoot their livestock or go another year without harvesting any crops. There in the barrenness we saw the red dust come alive, even if it was just in the small edges bordering the river.

There was an atmosphere of magic in the air. I imagined that the native Aboriginals would have told stories about the place, how the magic brought it to life, how the animals came to see it as their home.

Of course, I was tired. It was around 2.30 pm when my heart failure induced fatigue started to really kick in. Words slurred, incomprehensible and half falling asleep, I insisted that we start driving to the caravan park where we were going to be staying the night and start setting up camp so I could get some rest. I don't remember the car ride there.

Camp was easy enough to set up, the tent hadn't been used in nearly 5 years, luckily it was near fool proof, except for the fly which we had backwards and a random extra pole that we eventually worked out to be for the fly.

We had dinner early! I was just too tired that all I wanted to do was have a hot shower and change into my pajamas and get into my bed. It was an early night for me. I think I was asleep by about 7.30. We did have an early start to leave for Morree the next day though, but that's another post.

It's like pulling teeth.

This week I've attempted to write a blog about our road trip to Goondiwindi and Morree, each time, 4 failed attempts of writing and publishing, I've felt stifled and blocked. I wasn't able to get into words what I had felt, what I saw, the colours, the exhilaration the exhaustion of the two days of travel.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm putting such a high expectation on myself, wanting to have hyperlinks, photos with captions, and all the finer details of the trip noted for all to read, or if it's because I have genuinely been stuck. I've now finished the written portion and only have to add a few photos to the post. 

There's a sense of relief, not accomplishment, to this! It has stressed me out and I have even started to feel the pangs of a panic attack creeping it's way round. So I stop. I stop and go to another project, watch tv, play on my phone, do anything but continue writing that damned post. 

I think we put so many expectation on ourselves. Now that I have accepted that I am a small business owner, with small business owner responsibilities  such as having a strong social media presence, creation of jewellery that can wow clients and public alike, stock inventory- ordering new crystals, ensuring we have enough macrame cord and wire to keep us going, as well as booking in for markets, festivals and events and crossing our fingers and toes that they are a success, I am feeling underwhelmed by my abilities and skills and organisation of both. 

When I'm creating, I'm thinking of where the pieces will sell, what events we're booked into so that I can cater more specifically for the customer base, and when I'm booking an event I ask myself will we have enough ready made jewellery for this event or enough materials to create new pieces to cater for that client base?

It's such a big gamble. It's about knowing what needs to be done first, but my mind wants to wander about all that hasn't happened, good or bad, it wants to warn me about the weather, it wants me to consider if I'll have my period during that camping trip, it wants me to question whether my macrame jewellery will be loved by people or hated or worse, evoke no emotional response. My anxiety tells my mind that none of it is as it is and I cannot take each situation as it comes. 

My anxiety rules my head, my head rules my train of thought and tells me what I need to get done. This causes complete confusion. Then I succumb  to the weight of over thinking and just do nothing but sleep. 

This post has been easier to write as it wasn't about anything. 

Fairy-ness!

Ricky at his fairy
 teapot best!

Another week goes by and it's gone by too fast! The weekend came and went with its only event holding us for the two days, with it's crazy, fun excitement of being dressed up as fairies!

The Fairy Utopia event held at the local R.S.L. here in my fair town of Logan Village, attempted to break the Guinness Book of Records by having over one thousand people dressed in costume. As Gucci is my main girl, I asked if she would be included in the count had she been dressed in the appropriate garb of wings, tutu and wand, the answer, both from the organiser and the officials, sadly, were no. Fair is fairy, she's only human in our eyes.

Being that we have had an amazingly hilarious history of being super late to local events, sometimes by an hour, other only a few minutes, I sent Ricky down early to drop off our equipment, marquee, tables and goodies.  I was at home still trying to wake myself up from a ridiculous dream where I was back in the 90's talking to a record company exec who wore a bad olive green suit with big shoulder pads and cheesy green that showed all his teeth. This dream left me feeling like I was going to be famous for being a singer, I signed a record contract and anyone who's heard me belt out a tune would attest to the fact that my skills are not matched by my perceived or imagined ability.

Although our stall looked very flat,
 we had a lot of people come in and admire our work. 

Set up wasn't as big of chore as last weekend, we weren't fighting the winds, although prayed for clear skies as it had rained the night before. We had learnt our lesson and decided that even if there was a chance of any wind, we'd be leaving our necklace stands at home and have the jewellery pieces sit flat.

Ricky's tutu ended up on
my head as a broken fairy tutu

I got my music going on my phone, some Blues and Roots, readying ourselves for Mitchell Creek which is only a month away, and bopped along, full of energy setting up and making our stall presentable. Our preparations were surely lacking on Saturday! We didn't have any float, we didn't have some of our equipment or stock, we had no food or water with us. If there were some important things that needed to happen they weren't gonna happen that morning. Ricky flew home grabbed what he could remember including some snacks and water and came back, but not before I had already made our first sale.

The costumes were amazing, ours was a last minute strewn together mismatch of wings, tutus and poor excuses for wands. I am now vowing to make more of an effort next year.

This captures the mood of the day!

We shared the day with the beautiful Larissa of Ayur Boho Health & Wellbeing and her amazing son Malakai. Larissa is an amazing reader, she is just so chilled, calm and her son is the exact same. We have been attending and sharing space since late last year. Ricky has been lucky enough to also get his tarot cards read by Larissa. Her table is always busy with clients who need her services. Big hugs to this gorgeous lady for allowing us to share the space with her and getting to know her son. We'll show you how to make those wire wrap necklaces next time Malakai.

The day went quite quickly. The breeze cooled the air, the sun started to give into the shadows and the trees became tall watchman over the fairy folk as we all started to pack up our belongings and make the trek home. Ricky and I had decided that we needed sustenance in a hurry and because  I had mentioned sushi earlier in the day, Ricky wanted to go to our fave sushi spot.

Selfies when a table causes separation,
is a lot harder than it looks. 

With our car loaded with our market stall things we headed to sushi, almost to tired to peel myself off the front seat we headed into the Wara Sushi in Meadowbrook to feast on the delicious food. Mind you I had absent mindedly mentioned sushi as my pick for some back food, I think I was just wanting some seaweed salad ships. We ate so much food, I think I almost got stuck in our booth.

It was a nice way to end the day. Full, content and having shared laughter with amazing souls.

Full Circle

Two years ago, Ricky and I had some life changing events drastically change our financial circumstances. We scrambled and decided to get back to attending markets selling crystals, offering readings and healing and creating our handmade crystal jewellery. This journey has been insane. There's been so many changes in the last two years. We've changed direction, we've had to leave people behind and we've also had to re-assess our place and future plans.

Before the wind
knocked the stands over 

This weekend, we attended the O'Heart Festival in Tyalgym, New South Wales. We've come full circle. It was our first event back into the market scene back in 2016. The event itself has grown so much in the two years since we last attended. The crowds were bigger, the market place was more vibrant and acts were amazing, including the impromptu drumming circle on the market lawn.

The morning began with us being late to bump in. We hadn't finished making our new stands, we both were in the mindset of, "It'll be quick to put in a screw and add the string!" We were wrong! The final touches took way longer than what we had anticipated. They were a pain to make and because of the wind, I doubt they'll be very useful in the future. So there we were, desperately setting up, my anxiety and panic building, the public were turning up for the opening Bell Ceremony which officially opened the festival, and we had barely organised any of our stall.

Instagram worthy snaps 

Eventually though we did get our jewellery and crystals out for the wonderful winter sun to energise and warm up. The morning was a little bit slow, so was the wind. As peoples hunger grew, so did the crowds. We had rushes of customers, admiring our work, the craftsmanship of Ricky's wire wrap, the designs of the macrame, as well as the colours and beauty of our crystals. The sun played so well with the colours of the labradorite, the patterns of each stone, the intricacy of the wire within the jewellery. I felt the breezes building as the sun grew higher and the people gathered.

Enjoying the Winter sun 

Being Ekka time, it means we have gusty winds. There were marquees that had blown over due to not being weighted or pegged down, a paranoia of mine for health and safety reasons, and possibly some remnants of my time as a manager, to have the marquee secured with weights and and pegs. It was a good thing we had. Ricky and I both clung to the arms of the marquee when a big gust would sweep in and seemed to attempt to lift the entire market off the grounds. Those who hadn't secured their structures felt the brunt of the gusts having their stalls tumble over, marquee, tables and all.

The natural amphitheatre within
the market grounds filled with festival goers. 

Luckily, there wasn't another incident during the weekend, although we continued to cling on the arms like hanging chimpanzees hanging off the jungle branches.

Our jewellery was welcomed so warmly. It is always a surprise for me when people have such admiration for my work. I've never seen it as being any different from other Macrame artists, nor do I feel that it's more advanced in technique. I enjoy creating, I enjoy the creativity it affords me while being able to bring in an income.

A customer came in and became very excited with quite a few pieces, I assumed she was going to try them on, look in the mirror and make her choice once she's had a look. She bought it all, 5 pieces, wire wrap and macrame. It was a great feeling to know that people loved and appreciated the work we had put into each piece.

The second day of the festival was gustier, busier and cooler. The vibe was not killed at all by the chill that had built up in the morning. Ricky had to dash home, when I say dash I mean one and half hours there and another one and half hours back to pick up a customers cabochon that I had left behind. We had intended on bringing and keeping Gucci with us at the festival, but she was not behaving like a good fur child. So Ricky took her back home with him. I was there all morning on my own. I felt my anxiety wanting to creep in and take over, instead of letting it win, I decided to just let the chilled atmosphere wash over me, I opened up to the sunshine and talked to people. I pushed away that creeping panic and enjoyed the moment. I won that small battle.

The energy of the festival was electric! 

The markets were set to end at lunch, 12pm, however I was refusing to pack up, people were still coming in droves, they were only really coming in at lunch after having a wander through the town. The drumming began just after a few stalls had packed up which was quite fortuitous for me as it meant I had the perfect view of the performers with their dancing, and unique acrobatics.

Kriya Luna 

Around 2pm Ricky got back. He looked exhausted and tired, but he soon regained his energy when he had a wander around and let the ambience wash over his body and mind.

It had to come to an end eventually, with the drumming slowing down and the visitors of Tyalgum wandering away to the next venue, just outside town to end the festival. We packed the car up with our stall and made our way home.

We felt amazing! Our journey had taken 2 years to come full circle back to the first event we started with in 2016.

The wonderfully talented Kirra from Osiris Jewellery 

This Unicorn helped to raise fund for a palliative care facility within the area. 

Impromtu performances 

Festival Virgins!

Since Ricky and I first met, we bonded over the mutual love of several strange things like cheese and jam sammiches (yes that's purposely misspelled). However, our taste in music wasn't quite on the same wave length, he had his core music likings in the world of heavy metal, and for me it's been quite eclectic, to say the least. He's always loved going to concerts, enjoying the live performances and the energy and atmosphere each concert has. Whilst I've been quite content with listening to my Pandora radio (now defunct in Australia, insert sad face here), or Spotify, CD's or the radio. 

The only real experience I've had with concerts was being an usher at the Michael Jackson Black tour in 1996. Didn't care for it much. I hate loud music unless I'm dancing to it or it's the classical stuff, full of string instruments that make your skin all goose bumpy. When my younger brother asked I wanted to go to Jack Johnson in December I immediately said yes, quickly followed by a no and then a can I think about it. My indecision, partly to do with anxiety, and a feeling we had booking for a market that weekend, kept up for almost a week when I finally said just get them! Last Tuesday he purchased the tickets and I'm now going to go to my first official concert. 

I spent the next couple of days packing for a music festival in the Sunshine Coast Hinterland, not having ever attended a festival of this type before, I had no idea what to expect. I've seen photos but that's the extent of my exposure. The line up had been billed for a while now and I hadn't recognised any of the names, which is ok, I'm not familiar with every band, group, singer out there. I honestly wasn't expecting to be submerged into a music culture that gets you from the inside. 

Thursday afternoon we arrived at Mitchell Creek for the first day of our 5 day adventure. We slowly set up our camping area which was directly behind our stall, massive blessing in disguise which I'll explain later. Marquees up, no tent as it was way too humongous for only two people, table for the stall were up, our camping set up was ready, we were set. Of course, being on diuretics, I had to find where the closest toilet was and ensure that in an early morning rush I could make it safely, there were a few close calls but I always made it. 

Where the festival is situated has to be seen. It's on private property, owned by the event organiser, 

Jimmy. The stage, camping and stall areas are in close proximity to the other and set in the valley along a creek. The dry winter meant the grass was crunchy and dry underfoot and no fires were allowed. Ricky and I left our camp and wandered around, looking for dinner as we were too tired from such a long days journeying. We found a Thai foodie. Serious yums were had that night. Their spring rolls were very yummy, but not quite as good as mine, but don't we all say that? They also had curry puffs. Ricky's always been partial to a good curry, however, I've been a little more hesitant. I tried their curry puffs and it was delicious. The curry flavour wasn't over powering the veges that were in the filling, the pasty was soft but kept its shape. Just perfect. Rick ordered pad Thai for his dinner and I ordered beef masaman. I shouldn't have eaten it all by myself. My tummy can be a bit intolerant to coconut milk/cream and spicy chilli. It was only mild but added to the over all flavours of the dish. Luckily it didn't react as badly as most of my previous experiences, hahaha. 

Friday morning the bands started around 10am. I wasn't too excited, I wasn't really looking forward to any of it to be honest. By now my anxiety and panic attack was setting in, knowing that we had spent so much money on the weekend, thinking just make what we spent and be happy. All day I felt it creeping up, sinking it's teeth in with the negative mantras that circulate deep within my psyche. When self doubt starts the snowball effect of anxiety and panic attacks will just continue until I sleep. Sometimes I'll wake feeling free, sometimes I'll still be trapped within its grasp. That night, I got a break, just long enough to hear the chorus to the song Natural Woman by 19twenty. I fell asleep. 

The next morning I wasn't 100% but pushed through. The lyrics to Natural Woman echoed in my mind all day in between guest spots from Jack Johnson and other artist, I had an abridged version of songs in concert playing in my head. ALL FREAKING DAY! 

Ricky wandered over to the merchandise tent as we weren't very busy with our stall, to grab a CD of 19twenty. I hadn't told him that I had fallen in love with their song. He got the CD with the song he liked. I was a little disappointed but thought, it's ok. He went back the next day to get the CD with my song on it. 

Sunday morning came rushing in too quickly. The nights, initially were cold as hell, you felt it get down into your bones, the days were warm, but the wind would pick up and cool it down enough. My anxiety had taken off for the moment and allowed me some time to enjoy the entertainment, on the last day of performances, I mean seriously couldn't you have left earlier anxiety?

We both spent the day creating some Mitchell Creek pieces, carrying the vibe of the area within the pieces we had made. Towards the afternoon, as the sun started to drift down behind the hills, we moved to the front of our stall with a little table of pieces to make and some snacks and later dinner. 

The bands just went off for their last performances. Wow! I got to feel the full energy of the whole event, the air was electric, and lightly perfumed by smokers of the green variety. I was finally in a place where I could let the music in, I felt it deep in my belly, wanting to get out and scream and 

roar. There was a thunder inside me that needed to escape. Age, anxiety and conditioned social norms kept me from truly letting go the way I wanted. That night we went to bed late and left our light on again. 

I wanted to keep the lights on as we had people walking in between our stalls and neither of our neighbours were comfortable with this. We did everything we could to block it off. Luckily for us we had been, for the most part successful, as come Saturday night three stalls, who's area was poorly lit as they were around the corner from the main stage and arena, were broken into and their stock stolen. One stall had over $2000 worth of their stock taken, macrame jewellery and hand carved bone pendants, another stall was handmade rings made of kitchen utensils and the other was a cured meats stall. Most of the stock was returned. The rumours abound regarding who it was, when it happened. Luckily we kept our lights on that night. 

This was the only negative thing that happened during the five days, one incident that was caused by non-festival goers (or so the rumour goes). 

After the arduous task of breaking down the camp site, repacking the back of the ute and ensuring we hadn't left and rubbish, we made our trek home. Ricky and I were energised from the festival. Our creativity, our minds were in overdrive for what we wanted to do next year. As we listened to our new CD's on the way home we gabbed about getting our Gucci van ready for next years festival, how we'd set up the stall and the camping area behind, what we would do differently, what we'd bring that we forgot at home. 

It's almost exactly 12 months until the next festival. Next year I won't spend my time sleeping off my anxiety. I'm going to say "FUCK IT! LET'S JUST DO THIS THING!!!"

Ekka.

We've been quite busy readying ourselves for the Ekka in August. For those of you that don't know or haven't heard of the Ekka, it's an annual affair where country farmers present their wares, livestock, produce to the city folk. It's a great event that brings the country cousins to the city. There are rides, wood chopping competitions, bake offs, dog shows, show bags (many of which are procured just for the myriad of junk food which is inevitably ingested before riding on fair ground rides), the strawberry ice creams and the dagwood dogs.

This year they welcome a new area to the show, Makers Street, which will literally be taking up space on a street just up from the show bag pavilion. We are lucky enough to be one of the exhibitors in this new area. The process started around February/March this year and has been a mixed bag of emotions; genuine pleasure at being invited to take part of the inaugural Makers Street, fear of paying site fees, anxiety of having to create a bulk lot of stock that will be sold during the 7 days we opted to be at the Ekka, and lastly the unknown quotient- my health. I fear that exhaustion could be more than what I have bargained for and 7 days straight of trading could takes it toll on me.

Nonetheless I know it will be a great experience and amazing exposure for our little business.

The old normal

Towards the end of the last year Rick and I went through a drastic change in lifestyle and income. He was let go from his old job. While financially beneficial, it wasn't helping us in any other way. Rick was suffering from micro-sleeps on the way to work, he was constantly stressed, he was away from home for a minimum of 10 hours a day some 14-16 hours shifts would happen at least once a fortnight.

With the proverbial rug pulled out from under us, we were left hanging and re-thinking and re-assessing what we really needed in life, what our goals were, what we could afford to buy during a weekly shop, this evidently didn't end up being very much at all.

Last night, while at the chemist, I was feeling out of sorts and not in the right frame of mind to do any shopping. Our chemist carries a lot of products that aren't just medical or therapeutic related, laundry liquid, make up, toilet paper, all the stuff I call bathroom things. While we waited for my scripts to be filled, we walked around to grab the other items that we desperately needed, bad idea as my sense of budgetary constraints weren't functional. These were just simple item, face wash, mouth wash, new toothbrushes (ours were about 8 months old), laundry liquid, normal items most people would shop for.

This morning, after breakfast, I used my face wash, brush my teeth with the new brush heads, used the dental floss before using the mouthwash we had just purchased, as I listened to the washing machine churn with our newly purchase laundry liquid.  Such simple normal things. An everyday routine for most that I hadn't been able to participate in. As I flossed and realise the amount of laundry I was facing, as sense of gratitude for the lack of control over budgetary constraints whilst at the chemist, washed over me. I thought to myself, this is what our old normal was. Spending money without really needing to conform to a set budget. I choked back a little as tears welled up.

We've been struggling to get used to our new norms. The little things have been hard. My parents have been coming over, using the excuse of saying hello so they can drop off home grown vegetables and other goodies that they have "too much" of. Their visits have become more frequent. I appreciate their help immensely, although hard for me to accept as I feel we shouldn't be in this position, but know we need to learn a lesson from it.

Simple things that we used to take for granted. $5 of chips from the fish and chip shop was nothing. We now factor in if we have enough petrol for an extra trip down the road, do we have enough drinking water and petrol to go and get more water. Can we buy fresh vegetables and fruit or will we have to wait for next weeks pay. Which of my medications do you we wait for, which ones can I safely not take so that we can keep to the budget. Restrictions I've not faced in nearly 10 years.

It has been hard, but to be honest, there is nothing about our life now that I would want different. I have a greater appreciation for friends and family who offer help without being asked. I have a greater sense of what we waste and what we use in our fridge. Left overs are given to our dogs as to make sure it's not just a waste of food but to respect the animals, the farmers, the land from which the base ingredients come from. My mindset is slowly changing, and that is the greatest and best change that I have been allowed to experience.