I'm not sure if it's because I'm putting such a high expectation on myself, wanting to have hyperlinks, photos with captions, and all the finer details of the trip noted for all to read, or if it's because I have genuinely been stuck. I've now finished the written portion and only have to add a few photos to the post.
There's a sense of relief, not accomplishment, to this! It has stressed me out and I have even started to feel the pangs of a panic attack creeping it's way round. So I stop. I stop and go to another project, watch tv, play on my phone, do anything but continue writing that damned post.
I think we put so many expectation on ourselves. Now that I have accepted that I am a small business owner, with small business owner responsibilities such as having a strong social media presence, creation of jewellery that can wow clients and public alike, stock inventory- ordering new crystals, ensuring we have enough macrame cord and wire to keep us going, as well as booking in for markets, festivals and events and crossing our fingers and toes that they are a success, I am feeling underwhelmed by my abilities and skills and organisation of both.
When I'm creating, I'm thinking of where the pieces will sell, what events we're booked into so that I can cater more specifically for the customer base, and when I'm booking an event I ask myself will we have enough ready made jewellery for this event or enough materials to create new pieces to cater for that client base?
It's such a big gamble. It's about knowing what needs to be done first, but my mind wants to wander about all that hasn't happened, good or bad, it wants to warn me about the weather, it wants me to consider if I'll have my period during that camping trip, it wants me to question whether my macrame jewellery will be loved by people or hated or worse, evoke no emotional response. My anxiety tells my mind that none of it is as it is and I cannot take each situation as it comes.
My anxiety rules my head, my head rules my train of thought and tells me what I need to get done. This causes complete confusion. Then I succumb to the weight of over thinking and just do nothing but sleep.
This post has been easier to write as it wasn't about anything.
