Dreams.

Last night I had a dream about going to this store, but it was almost like a crystal cave. But before that, Pa was getting ready to go to work, and Ma was going to go with him and drive the Kia home. So I hurriedly got ready, and changed clothes, because I knew that Ma should not be driving any car at all. 

Where I was, felt like my house, but it was full of trees, with lots of multi-hued leaves falling on the ground, or already covering the ground. The leaves kept falling while I was inside, while I walked to the car. The sun was only coming up and it all felt like a memory. Thinking about it now, I didn't want to leave, it is what I want my place to feel like. It was like a midsummer nights dream. As I was getting ready, I remember someone talking about crystals

I grabbed this green crystal necklace, which was in my drawers, where I actually keep my crystal in the waking. So, as in most dreams, I'm all of a sudden transported to this "store" or "library" where I saw, a lot of people that I have met on my journey, people from my current job, my previous jobs and people from school. 

It was very similar to an information session, where you bring along your crystals and someone teaches you about them or how t use them. The person who was leading the session looked like the wizard, possibly an archangel. I was trying to talk some of the people into coming over my house afterwards. I was saying to them, I live like 5 minutes away why don't you come over afterwards. People were listening to me but didn't seem t respond. Even the wizard guy wasn't really connecting to me. 

After this I woke up. The crystal "shop" was such a nice place, I loved being in there. 

Revelations.

Having been able to communicate with spirits from a very young age, without any proper guidance, has been a journey of trial and error, more errors than successes. 

In the last few years, being told again and again that I'm needing to learn certain skills to help improve my skills, has been hard. I have been told by a lot of other readers that I needed to learn how to ground myself, needed to find out who my guides are, learn who are my angels, protect myself etc etc. These same readers wouldn't be able to point me in the right direction where I can access help to gain these skills. 

I was skeptical, at first, when I started this course, is this a waste of my time and money, no it's not. No it hasn't been! Last night was my second last class with Selena and it was a little sad, but more so exciting! Now I've learnt and gained the tools to protect myself, to make sure that no attachments suck my energy, etc. 

I was accepted by this group of ladies, without the usual guarded glances and sighs that I've been given by other readers. I've felt the cold shoulder treatment, the stinging stares from annoyance to hatred and jealousy have been so disheartening, but since meeting Tracey and Selena, I know that I am amongst friends and amongst like minded people who will no only accept me and my gifts, but also help me and give me the tools that will help me heal and help other people. 

I want to practice these new directed and sharpened talents of mine. I want to share my new skills and help heal people in ways that, before, I never knew were possible. It feels like there are so many possibilities that have opened up or been created for me. 

Transformation.

I'm slowly making head way with transforming the "cat room" into a livable room, human friendly and most of all, with windows and no cat related things inside. I'm starting by giving away my neglected things, clothing that hasn't been worn in so very, very, long and other times that should be appreciated by another person and not go to waste just sitting in the cupboard or wardrobe. 

My next step is to pack everything that will be kept and and remove the futon frame and place it in the lounge room, where, surprise, surprise, it'll be used as a futon again instead of a dumping ground for things that no longer belong in my life. 

I am finding this whole process to be quite therapeutic. Purging my material possessions is quite freeing, it's like any emotional attachments that came with that item get sent away with them. 

I've often bragged that I get everything I want, but only now do I realise that it's not very healthy to have it all and still be left wanting more. There is a void I'm trying to fill with objects, possession, dogs and cats and it seems to not be quenched by any of the above. 

So I'm decluttering and I'm hoping that, through this process, I find out more about what I need rather than what I would like to have or own. I want to be a person who is surmised by the quantifiable actions of my heart and not the quantifiable collection of material wealth. 

Changelings.

Approximately 6 months ago, before I left for my trip to the Philippines, I was offered a job at crystal shop just outside Brisbane, I wasn't too keen, but was amazed at the job off and went with the elation. Rick was bolstering my ego and my confidence, trying to reassure me that this is the path I need to travel in order to create my own business. I however still remained sceptical even until the day I came back from my trip and visited the shop. 

I kept letting my ego win, the idea of earning a relatively good hourly rate versus my gut instinct seemed to be a no brainer, money won because I needed a job. Having learnt, from previous life experiences, that some people are not happy with change and that any change challenges that persons authority, so I wasn't not so surprise when I was told that my services weren't needed, having turned up the following week. 

I visited this shop, and have been wishing this lady and her business well, for the last 6 weeks, hoping that things were on the up, the vibe has gone and it doesn't feel like it can sustain a life of it own. I returned to the shop yesterday to make a purchase, I wanted a cd and I had been drawn to one of the bracelets. I only left with the cd, something inside me, something beyond pride, told me that this isn't the place for you anymore, so I said my goodbyes, knowing that I may not come back for a visit, and the owner was ushered back into the rooms, by the lady afraid of change. 

I wasn't disheartened by this persons clear and obvious demeanor towards me, more saddened that they may have considered me threatening. I've been told that by several people, that they feel not necessarily threatened, but intimidated by me. I'm not sure why. 

My point has been, since coming back from overseas, is that I no longer wish to hold on to anger, I let people go who are not a significant improver to my life and I feel, only burden me with their suffering, and therefore cause me suffering. I honestly wish nothing but the best of the people of that shop. I hope that all works out of the best with this endeavour and what ever else they wish t pursue. I am secure enough to know that I don't need reassurance from other people that I have a gift, I've been blessed with something I want to share with that world and I'm only, now, starting to open the doors to it. 

Inner voice.

Learning to hear you inner voice and accepting to trust your own judgements is one of the most daunting acts of self love that a person can go through. Your innever voice, or spirit, can become clouded when you have strong emotions blocking your "ears", or when you have fears that overwhelm you. 

Your inner voice becomes the neglected wisdom, drowned out by self abuse. Often because we do not want to face our fears or any emotions surrounding an event or turning point in our lives, we self medicate with substances that are harmful to our bodies and shroud our mind so that we can avoid facing these issues. 

No matter how much we try to forget these events, try to lose ourselves and trick our minds into believing that these emotions no longer effect us, we will never truly be free of them until we forgive ourselves first and for the person, event, place, animal, being that has harmed us or given us a coinciding emotion that we have carried. 

Forgiveness.

At times it feels as though time will not allay the fears deep seated into the subconscious. It seems to merely keep the emotions in check until that careless moment when you think you no longer have any fears and then, it strikes fast as lightning. 

If we don't learn to own our emotions, no matter how futile it may seem at times, then our emotions become the burden that breaks us. We carry so much guilty through our lives, small miss givings, big arguments. These never seem to fade too far from the surface, and then rehashed when it's convenient for the other party to hurt us. These emotions keep reappearing and boiling over because we do not allow ourselves to be forgiven. We can never expect the other person to forgive us for whatever wrong we may have done, but we forgive ourselves for any harm, done with malice or ignorance, that we may have inflicted upon each other. 

It is alright to forgive yourself and the other person. You are the only one that has the power to create a better mind and purer heart. Forgiveness is such a powerful act that once you have forgiven yourself, it will be easier to forgive others, and they in turn will learn from the kindness and pay it forward.