Freedom

Last night I had such an amazing dream! It seemed more real than reality.

"I felt myself being led into a field by a young spirit, male young adult. He spoke to me without words and but as we looked at each other we understood what we thoughts were flowing through our minds at that precise moment.

"He got up on a beautiful chestnut brown horse, he rode him round the little paddock, bare back. I was able to understand the horses thoughts, we were also magically connected. My young male companion seemed to enjoy the rushing of the wind as the horse galloped round and round the paddock.

"After a few minutes, my friend came back, thrilled and electrified down to his bones, by his ride on the horse. He looked at me and said that it was my turn. In my mind, I went through all the scenarios that have prevented me from being near horses in my waking life, but in the dream, these concerns and fears seemed to vanish and became more of a reason to be on the horse and feel his power.

"I sensed that there were more people, than my little friend, watching me with the horse, as I ran my hand along his back, I felt myself lifted up on his back. I held tight around his neck, and motioned for him to go foward, to run with the freedom that I wanted to feel.

"With my eyes closed, the horse galloped foward and ran so fast that I felt the wind brush away the hair that had covered my face. I opened one eye slightly, only to have the horse speak to me and reassure me that I was safe and that I needn't fear him and he didn't fear me.

"He spoke to me for a few seconds, giving me guidance to sit up and enjoy the moment. As I sat up and let go of all that held me back from truly enjoying the moment, I let go of his mane and felt myself almost float off the horse."

I don't remember waking out of this dream, nor do I remember an end to the dream, I just remember it the image disappearing and fading back to sleep, but I kept that sensation. That feeling of  freedom just stayed with me.

Within your own power.

We have given so much power to people who reinforce our own negative way of thinking. We need to realise at it's our own self judgement and fear that has allowed these outter voices to become inner voices of self hate. We need to stop hating ourselves and love and heal from within. We are all empty vessels that have been slowly filled with ideologies that we have taken on as our own, they become our negative mantra that breaks down our self respect, self love.

Now take the time to sit, meditate and let go of those fears. Words often told to us but without instruction, we sit in the same place not knowing what to do. If you're a writer, then write down your emotions, if your a blogger blog about your emotions, if your a talker talk about your emotions, if your a psychical person then work it out through your your movements. Do what is comfortable for you.

Meditation isn't just about sitting down listening to new age music and closing your eyes trying to figure out what to do. Meditation can be just sitting outside gardening, connecting with the greater life force that creates the plants, animals and elements. It can be just sitting in a park, yes with your eyes closed, and just enjoy the fresh air and calm of the trees, grass and earth around you.

Turning away from negative thought patterns may be a little difficult at first, but it's only because we are turning away from a lifetime of training to be negative to look at things from a negative perspective. If you learning to change just one thought pattern and follow through by adding one new positive affirmation to replace that negative thought, then you will see positive changes in your life.

I'm not perfect, my life isn't perfect, many things that I plan go wrong and many things that go right aren't perfectly planned. There are many things in my life that I'm working on improving, but I am not delluding myself into believing that I can achieve perfection in such a short life. Trying to achieve something that will only lead to my demise in more than one area of my life will truly lead to failure. 

Instead, I strive to achieve the ideal recipes for food that I can create for my friends and family to enjoy. I strive to achieve having a livable home where I can enjoy my quiet time with my husband and pets and the occasional visitor. I strive to achieve personal silence for at least 5 minutes again where I can reconnect with my inner voice, a voice that guides me to a better life. I strive to achieve a balance of living with my environment without destroying the beautiful flora and fauna. 

I am not perfect, and perfection is not what I want, but finishing small projects always fills me with a sense of achievement, and that's why no matter what goes wrong, I feel like I have the "perfect" life.

Dreams.

Last night I had a dream about going to this store, but it was almost like a crystal cave. But before that, Pa was getting ready to go to work, and Ma was going to go with him and drive the Kia home. So I hurriedly got ready, and changed clothes, because I knew that Ma should not be driving any car at all. 

Where I was, felt like my house, but it was full of trees, with lots of multi-hued leaves falling on the ground, or already covering the ground. The leaves kept falling while I was inside, while I walked to the car. The sun was only coming up and it all felt like a memory. Thinking about it now, I didn't want to leave, it is what I want my place to feel like. It was like a midsummer nights dream. As I was getting ready, I remember someone talking about crystals

I grabbed this green crystal necklace, which was in my drawers, where I actually keep my crystal in the waking. So, as in most dreams, I'm all of a sudden transported to this "store" or "library" where I saw, a lot of people that I have met on my journey, people from my current job, my previous jobs and people from school. 

It was very similar to an information session, where you bring along your crystals and someone teaches you about them or how t use them. The person who was leading the session looked like the wizard, possibly an archangel. I was trying to talk some of the people into coming over my house afterwards. I was saying to them, I live like 5 minutes away why don't you come over afterwards. People were listening to me but didn't seem t respond. Even the wizard guy wasn't really connecting to me. 

After this I woke up. The crystal "shop" was such a nice place, I loved being in there. 

Revelations.

Having been able to communicate with spirits from a very young age, without any proper guidance, has been a journey of trial and error, more errors than successes. 

In the last few years, being told again and again that I'm needing to learn certain skills to help improve my skills, has been hard. I have been told by a lot of other readers that I needed to learn how to ground myself, needed to find out who my guides are, learn who are my angels, protect myself etc etc. These same readers wouldn't be able to point me in the right direction where I can access help to gain these skills. 

I was skeptical, at first, when I started this course, is this a waste of my time and money, no it's not. No it hasn't been! Last night was my second last class with Selena and it was a little sad, but more so exciting! Now I've learnt and gained the tools to protect myself, to make sure that no attachments suck my energy, etc. 

I was accepted by this group of ladies, without the usual guarded glances and sighs that I've been given by other readers. I've felt the cold shoulder treatment, the stinging stares from annoyance to hatred and jealousy have been so disheartening, but since meeting Tracey and Selena, I know that I am amongst friends and amongst like minded people who will no only accept me and my gifts, but also help me and give me the tools that will help me heal and help other people. 

I want to practice these new directed and sharpened talents of mine. I want to share my new skills and help heal people in ways that, before, I never knew were possible. It feels like there are so many possibilities that have opened up or been created for me. 

Transformation.

I'm slowly making head way with transforming the "cat room" into a livable room, human friendly and most of all, with windows and no cat related things inside. I'm starting by giving away my neglected things, clothing that hasn't been worn in so very, very, long and other times that should be appreciated by another person and not go to waste just sitting in the cupboard or wardrobe. 

My next step is to pack everything that will be kept and and remove the futon frame and place it in the lounge room, where, surprise, surprise, it'll be used as a futon again instead of a dumping ground for things that no longer belong in my life. 

I am finding this whole process to be quite therapeutic. Purging my material possessions is quite freeing, it's like any emotional attachments that came with that item get sent away with them. 

I've often bragged that I get everything I want, but only now do I realise that it's not very healthy to have it all and still be left wanting more. There is a void I'm trying to fill with objects, possession, dogs and cats and it seems to not be quenched by any of the above. 

So I'm decluttering and I'm hoping that, through this process, I find out more about what I need rather than what I would like to have or own. I want to be a person who is surmised by the quantifiable actions of my heart and not the quantifiable collection of material wealth. 

Changelings.

Approximately 6 months ago, before I left for my trip to the Philippines, I was offered a job at crystal shop just outside Brisbane, I wasn't too keen, but was amazed at the job off and went with the elation. Rick was bolstering my ego and my confidence, trying to reassure me that this is the path I need to travel in order to create my own business. I however still remained sceptical even until the day I came back from my trip and visited the shop. 

I kept letting my ego win, the idea of earning a relatively good hourly rate versus my gut instinct seemed to be a no brainer, money won because I needed a job. Having learnt, from previous life experiences, that some people are not happy with change and that any change challenges that persons authority, so I wasn't not so surprise when I was told that my services weren't needed, having turned up the following week. 

I visited this shop, and have been wishing this lady and her business well, for the last 6 weeks, hoping that things were on the up, the vibe has gone and it doesn't feel like it can sustain a life of it own. I returned to the shop yesterday to make a purchase, I wanted a cd and I had been drawn to one of the bracelets. I only left with the cd, something inside me, something beyond pride, told me that this isn't the place for you anymore, so I said my goodbyes, knowing that I may not come back for a visit, and the owner was ushered back into the rooms, by the lady afraid of change. 

I wasn't disheartened by this persons clear and obvious demeanor towards me, more saddened that they may have considered me threatening. I've been told that by several people, that they feel not necessarily threatened, but intimidated by me. I'm not sure why. 

My point has been, since coming back from overseas, is that I no longer wish to hold on to anger, I let people go who are not a significant improver to my life and I feel, only burden me with their suffering, and therefore cause me suffering. I honestly wish nothing but the best of the people of that shop. I hope that all works out of the best with this endeavour and what ever else they wish t pursue. I am secure enough to know that I don't need reassurance from other people that I have a gift, I've been blessed with something I want to share with that world and I'm only, now, starting to open the doors to it. 

Inner voice.

Learning to hear you inner voice and accepting to trust your own judgements is one of the most daunting acts of self love that a person can go through. Your innever voice, or spirit, can become clouded when you have strong emotions blocking your "ears", or when you have fears that overwhelm you. 

Your inner voice becomes the neglected wisdom, drowned out by self abuse. Often because we do not want to face our fears or any emotions surrounding an event or turning point in our lives, we self medicate with substances that are harmful to our bodies and shroud our mind so that we can avoid facing these issues. 

No matter how much we try to forget these events, try to lose ourselves and trick our minds into believing that these emotions no longer effect us, we will never truly be free of them until we forgive ourselves first and for the person, event, place, animal, being that has harmed us or given us a coinciding emotion that we have carried. 

Forgiveness.

At times it feels as though time will not allay the fears deep seated into the subconscious. It seems to merely keep the emotions in check until that careless moment when you think you no longer have any fears and then, it strikes fast as lightning. 

If we don't learn to own our emotions, no matter how futile it may seem at times, then our emotions become the burden that breaks us. We carry so much guilty through our lives, small miss givings, big arguments. These never seem to fade too far from the surface, and then rehashed when it's convenient for the other party to hurt us. These emotions keep reappearing and boiling over because we do not allow ourselves to be forgiven. We can never expect the other person to forgive us for whatever wrong we may have done, but we forgive ourselves for any harm, done with malice or ignorance, that we may have inflicted upon each other. 

It is alright to forgive yourself and the other person. You are the only one that has the power to create a better mind and purer heart. Forgiveness is such a powerful act that once you have forgiven yourself, it will be easier to forgive others, and they in turn will learn from the kindness and pay it forward.

Strength.

We need to find the strength within ourselves for moments when all seems lost. Your faith keeps you moving, faith is not about religion, spirituality is not about a church or what dieties you worship. Faith and spirituality comes from within, without which we would be lost.

Even those who seem to have lost their way are still surviving because they have faith that somewhere out there is something better, even if it's only just that tiniest bit better. No matter what, even if others think our current situation is perfect, we always hope for better, we have faith that if we just try a little bit harder that we can improve our situation.

Friendship.

Have pride in the friends that brighten up your life. Have love for the friends that carry you through the times when you want to just let everything fall down. Have faith in the friends that always believe in you.

Loss.

Loss causes us pain. Loss causes us grief. Loss should also make us stronger. We survive through the small trials, we survive through the major battles, through it all, we survive because we have our friends and family with us, and when we lose their presence in our lives, we feel lost. We turn to those who knew them, we turn to family, we turn to people who don't know us.

Loss strengthens us and our bonds to the people we have in our lives. Thank each person, who are no longer with us, for enriching our lives. You are stronger for having known them. You are stronger for having lost them. Your friends and family bonds are stronger for experiencing life with you.

Lessons, Week 2.

Reiki week.

I’ve never really believed in Reiki, only because I didn’t know or had any idea of what it was or how it worked, yet, I have been doing it, slightly wrong but still with the best intentions, for quite a while. On Thursday night, Selena and Tracey had started explaining and showed us how to use Reiki, we all became Reiki attuned and learnt to send energy to each other and find the places on the body where our partners needed to receive the healing energy.

Forever being the skeptic that I am, I went along and thought what harm could it do. The more Selena explained and the more I learnt and experienced for myself, the more I was convinced that this healing energy called Reiki actually existed and actually would work to help heals people’s ailments, whether it be mental, physical etc. I couldn’t help but reading the person that I was doing the Reiki on, Jodie. She is a lovely lady with a lot of crazy energy buzzing round her.

All of the ladies are nice with great vibes/ energy being emitted from them. However, Jodie has something similar that my energy was drawn to. It made healing and reading her quite easy and simple and freeing. I learnt that I do receive messages for clients that I don’t necessarily have to hold on to that message or deliver it to the person. I can give it up to my angels for them to release into the ether and have God cleanse and purify that thought and it will eventually be known by the recipient.

It feels like each week I learn something new about gifts that I’ve been utilizing, albeit incorrectly, and correcting any wrong ideals that I’ve been mislead to believe. It feels good to know that I’m on the right path, that I’m correct bad habits and that I’m finally getting the right sort of guidance that I’ve been waiting for.

The cost of the course is no longer an issue, it’s now a case of making sure I’m sponging every piece of information and asking all the questions for each relevant situation. I’m glad the next few weeks sacrifice will better me in the long run.

Lessons.

I 

I have started a spiritual development class, with Selena Hill, at Jimboomba, as of last Thursday night. I've been told for so long that I need to protect myself during readings, I need to cut off the energy from the person that I just read, and that I need to find guides who will help me etc. Finally I've found someone who hasn't said, it's all my fault for certain things happening and that they are actually teaching me how to do things correctly instead of berating me like that lady did from the Regents Park crystal shop! 

This small group of 6 women have their own stories and challenges in life. I just feel so relaxed and no need to have my defenses up for once. No one is trying to suck your energy or anything like that. I can't wait for this weeks class on Reiki. I'll finally maybe understand what is. 

Oh, yeah, last weeks class was on protecting yourself and cleansing your chakras.

The past holds mistakes, the present holds pain, the future holds the hope to change the past and present.

Says me.

Never settle for small dreams. Dare to follow those dreams so big that they scare you, only then do you realise your full potential.

Facebook quote.

Some people call it prayer, some call it affirmations, some call it spells. What ever you may choose to call it, these simple lines, phrases, prose etc, can greatly influence your life, can greatly help your way through the tough situations. Say a little prayer for yourself next time you are wondering around searching for direction. Repeat a little affirmation when the situation you are in seems a little too difficult to handle. Cast a little spell when you want a little luck.

It is never the words that make it effective, it's the belief in what you are saying, it's the assurity that what you are saying will be truth and not just wishful thinking.

Another week forward.

This weeks plans are to get some promotional items started; business cards, flyers/pamphlets, websites, etc.
The whole process seems so daunting, but I've decided that I need to just deconstruct what exactly I need to do first. Try and breakdown all the bits and pieces that need to be checked off the list.

This week, I see my biggest challenge being the whole website and pamphlet design. Condensing the information etc is gonna be hard.

Starting a new venture.

Rick and I are going to try and start a small business from home. It's been something that we've wanted to do for a while now, but we weren't sure what we were gonna do. Since being away for the last 4 months gave me plenty of time to think about how the whole Spiritual Consultants business, was gonna work, then Rick and I discussed what we wanted, and now we're confident enough to slowly start.

For the last 4 months, while I was overseas and when I got back, I've been thinking about concepts for the business, the colours that I want to use for the logos etc. There were a few things that I was able to work on while I was in the Philippines, the first thing was the page on facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/pages/Southern-Fire-Northern-Ice/160394180732624 ) that started helping spread the word with our friends and family and slowly go beyond our circle of people. Now the harder stuff begins, after the brain storming, the concepts, choosing the name etc, we have to become official.

Registering names, ABN's, insurances and all of that stuff was supposed to the first few things I would be doing, as soon as I got back. But then the reality of the situation hit when Rick drove us up the drive way for the first time that Tuesday afternoon. The grass was taller than the fence posts, there was rubbish everywhere. The grass was no only tall but underneath , the ground was wet and swampy, no where near in fit condition for people to sit on during the group sessions, so for the mean time they've been cancelled. Inside the house was a total mess, the cats had claimed everything for themselves. The laundry was/is piled up so high that it's still not done, only because the washing line broke, 3 weeks after I had left and still hadn't been fixed.

So my mission for the time being would be to clean and tidy up the place to make it fit for the habitation of just 2 humans, myself and Rick. Slowly, slowly, ever so so so slowly, the grass is being tamed, the inside of the house is being rearranged, and we're making it fit to be visited by friends, not fit for clients yet.

Soon when things are a little more liveable and easier to get around, I'll be registering the name, registering as a business once again and changing my insurance for starters. Then I know I'll feel like a business owner. Then the real headaches begin!

Yikes!