After the first day, other students wanted to exchange phone numbers etc, and I just went along with it. I find it hard to say no to people. As the weeks went on I began to suffer from panic attacks that got more and more severe. When I quit I told my teachers that I was suffering from the panic attacks triggered by all the stress from the study workload, but I lied. The truth was I felt like I was being bullied, by these two older women, forced into taking on concepts they have imposed on themselves and therefore thought they knew better for everyone else.
I am a sarcastic and often childish person. I like to laugh at myself and accept all the flaws that are part of me. I don't get offended when people tease me, I don't get offended when people think I'm neither dumb nor smart. It rarely affects me. But these two ladies took it upon themselves to ensure that I would stop being myself and stop me from being who I was. I hadn't spoken to them or asked them for advice on the subject. This was unwanted and unnecessary advice given against my will. They both said to me that we will remind you and point out every time you are sarcastic, or self-deprecating.
It got to much. Imagine everyday when you come to work or come to study you have to face being lectured on how your actions are not appropriate because they deem it inapproriate.
Immediately after being told this regime they were forcing upon me, our teacher demonstrated how sarcastic and self-deprecating he was. Apparently they didn't feel the need to force him into changing his ways, just me!
These ladies had no sense of humour, my opinion of course. I rarely heard them laugh with hearty energy. Instead I heard sniggers and giggles. I love a good laugh, and enjoy making people laugh. I don't respect others who place their judgement on me and expect to have a good laugh at my expense without being able to take criticism about their flaws. I know what my flaws are, I point them out for everyone to see. I'm not a perfect! I am not vain.
My friends are not perfect. They have flaws. They have insecurities which we all share. I share my extremely, openly with them. I expose my big belly and not care if people think it's correct to show a fat belly when the norm says flat bellies are acceptable.
I enjoy laughing at my silly moments when I stumble, I fall. I will laugh at the insane things people do, their actions will always make me laugh more than any jokes they have regaled to me.
My point to this blog post is that don't take yourself too seriously. Stand your ground! Don't allow people to forced their edicts upon you or rally you into thinking they are right. What is right for one is not right for another. We can't all be whitewashed with the same brush. Love yourself and your family enough to know that you are enough for now. If you feel you need to be more than do more, but don't do it as a way to change to fit others views.
My name is Mary Ann, I'm over weight, I'm sarcastic, I'm not a healthy person by any means. I enjoy who I am!
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